Time disna wait for onybidy!

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Weel weel an, n foo’s aa mi freens e day?

A jist dinna ken far es ‘eer his gaen til, e time his certainly flown by at an afa like speed. Bit myn, fit wye wis it, aat fan w waur bairns, time seemed ti drag by as slow as onythin, ay, an at e skweel e holidays aye teuk ages ti cam roon? Bit then fin e holidays did eveentually arrive they, of coorse, gid by afore ye’d iver got stairted daein aa e things aat ye wanted ti dae. Later on, for us loons aat is, age didna seem ti maitter aa that muckle, aat is until w discovered aat e lads w waur playin fitba wi waur gettin til e ba a lot faister than ye cud. So then w cud say “Ah weel A’m jist ower thirty noo” ar “Ye ken, A’m weel ontil bein forty”, an so gracefully jine e ranks o the weel – informed spectators.

A bittie different for aa you quines of coorse (noo es is far ye cud say A’m takin a bittie o a risk!), as you quines get past yer teenage ‘eers ye become twinty-one, an then for some amazin rizzon e clock stops at aat nummer! In fac some quines manage ti be twinty-one for e neist ten ar twal ‘eer! Then they get ti thirty ar maybe forty n again e clock stops for anither ten ‘eer ar so? In order ti try ti keep lookin es magic age you quines then spen fortunes on gweed kens fit – so caaed beauty products – creams an potions an lotions, some ti clean, some ti fill in, some ti condition an so on an on an on! Some quines eyven inject stuff caaed botox intil their faces ti keep them lookin young, es costs hunners an hunners o pounds! A’m sorry quines ye maun hae mair siller than common sinse ti dae sic a thing! As mi mither eesed ti say naethin cud beat aul-fashioned soap n waater!

Then at the ither eyn o e time scale, oor aaler ‘eer’s. They usually stairt a twa three ‘eers efter ye retire, an e queer thing is aat time behaves exactly e same wye as it did fin w waur young! Sometimes it drags by an ither times it flees by at an afa speed. Ay, there’s nae doot aat e aaler ye get ye div get a bittie mair impatient, an of coorse nae muckle winner, becis eence yiv eesed up yer ‘three score year n ten’ ye jist dinna ken foo muckle mair time yiv got left. Then fin it cams til yer birthday an til yer age ye stairt daein fit ye did fin ye wis a bairn agin! For example, a twa three ‘eer ago A wis spikkin til e residents o a weel kent Senior Citizens home in a North-east toon. Jist afore A stairted the lady in chairge introduced m ti ane ar twa o e residents, “Noo” she says “es is Mrs So n So an ye ken she is e gran age o a hunner an fower!” As A shook e lady’s han she lookit at mi verra seriously n said “Jist ti be richt, A’m a hunner an fower an a quarter!” As e aal sayin goes ‘There’s naethin mair precious than time!’